in reference to the last post about my childhood... perhaps i should have added a disclaimer - i can ramble with the best of them (as though you don't already know that by now, even in our short time together!)
i just had to share that last night i actually fell asleep before hearing from pup. this is a big deal in the life of a co-dependent. i just wasn't worried. whether it's that i'm truly allowing my Higher Power to take over (i've been taking this 11th step - "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out" - and practicing it one day at a time), or that i'm just done fighting the battle i know i'll never win with my mind, it felt good to fall asleep without concern.
the funny thing about meditation is that i sometimes feel too ADD for it. (i really believe that any addict - more commonly those in recovery - has a small smidgen of attention deficit disorder in them). i can sit in a quiet, stress-free environment and still be thinking to myself, "am i meditating yet, am i meditating yet?" thus confirming to myself that i'm not.
it took the trip to paradise (Hawaii) for my cousin's wedding to create a sense of peace in me. when i am anywhere in the world and feel absolutely lost & apprehensive, i think of lying on that beach with the waves crashing in and out. i can smell the ocean, hear the surf, feel the sunlight. this is my mediation destination. pup told me he goes to the mountains and fishes when he's feeling restless & uneasy. where do you go?
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