we call them "leads" round these parts, but they're really just the sharing of our stories to others in the program(s).
Pup & i were asked to lead. together. for the first time. ever.
boy, was i nervous & anxious & scared &... ultimately just a bunch of fear all rolled into one blob.
since i last wrote, nothing has really "happened." i say this because my grandmother used to say that No news is Good news & i'll take no news over bad any day.
le'ts just catch up: Pup is still in recovery & still working THE program. i'm still active in Al-Anon & AA, respectively. our families & friends are all doing well. work is...well, work. so all-in-all, it's been rather smooth sailing from nearly a year ago. we've talked about the holidays ahead of time & are actually making plans...that in itself is a miracle!
in October, Pup was asked to give his first "share/lead/speech" since being sober for nearly 11 months again. it was, to say the least, the most honest & compelling story i'd ever heard. i was so proud of him. he completely stepped out of the way & let the Big Man Above do the talking. all i can say is WOW...that man will truly help people if he continues on this path of recovery.
to say that i've completely forgotten about the Hell that was his relapse would be a lie. but i have gotten healthier & continue to give it away every day (and every time i think about it, for that matter). healing takes time & i've since given myself that opportunity; instead of beating myself up for still feeling angry, hopeless, & scared. we have our good days & bad days...just like anyone else in recovery that's working a program. no one said it was to be easy...just that it would get better. and thank the Lord for that. i look forward to the day where i no longer feel anxiety when a holiday rolls around, assuming he'll "mess this one up again" & i know it will come in due time. patience is truly a virtue, but i'll never ask Him for patience. i'll just continue to ask for His guidance with whatever happens in my life & step out of the way. harder than it seems, of course, but i am slowly getting it.
that's what i did at our "dual lead." i got out of the way & let Him take over. i'm told He did rather well, under the stressful circumstances! (kidding) but really, my mind drew a blank when asked to replay what was said when i was asked. i remember bits & pieces, sure, but really don't remember what it was i said that may have been impacting or, God forbid, completely insane. i suppose that's what happens when you give it away to the Lord and let Him step in & speak through you. it was at that moment when i reminded myself that whatever happened was supposed to happen that i felt utterly relaxed. refreshed. & truly grateful.
of course, Pup did an amazing job & totally took people with him through the Hell he'd experienced in very gentle & elegant way. he's good like that. nothing horrid or unnerving, just straight-forward & to the point. much of what i love about him is his ability to really keep everything as simple as possible. his laid-back attitude & serenity shine through, especially when he's talking to others & sharing his story. of course, he'll tell you differently, but if he could really see what i see when he speaks, he'd be enthralled.
he says the same about me, so i suppose we may just be meant to be. imagine that.
