the after-math

i had forgotten what it feels like just to write...

it's been so long since i've been on here that i almost forgot i had a blog. My apologies to those still following (all two of you haha).

well, let's get to it then, shall we? since the topics have basically been about my co-dependency regarding Pup, let me just re-cap the past couple months...

January:
New Year's Eve & day was spent without Pup (well, unless you count his body being "there"). anger and worry continued to sweep over me as he was still in an induced coma until the 17th or so. by the time he woke up, my anger had subsided (i'd had a pretty long time to address it) and relief had set in. i continued to thank the Lord for his being alive and well, with an arm, and in the positive state of mind. i worried, still, that it was only temporary.

he was discharged from the hospital and stayed with his mother for about a week. the skin grafting they did was magnificent (clearly a work of art compared to what i'd seen earlier) but needed to heal by means of wet-to-dry dressings. uncomfortable & irritating, but necessary... so he bit the bullet (like we all had while he was under) and moved forward. we celebrated our Christmas and New Year's the week after and had the first of our many "talks." from what i could tell at the time, he wanted sobriety. for that day. and i decided that was good enough for me.


February - March:
physical therapy started with a bang. painful and unnerving, he also pushed through 4 times a week for a few months. at this time, things were starting to get back to normal at home and i think it bothered him (and me, to tell you the truth). his father stopped calling every day, his mother and i rarely exchanged phone conversations unless she was calling for something she needed. the only one who continued to call & check up on him was his older brother. thank God for that man & his wife. they are truly angels and i couldn't have made it through without them.

i suppose because i come from such a close-knit family, i almost expected them to be there when i'm in need. (careful - expectations are resentments in disguise, so i'm told). that's how we've always done it. when i see another family that doesn't follow suit, i get frustrated and upset, wanting to scream, "but he's your SON! don't you care?!" after thinking about it... i suppose they had finally "had it." Pup and i have only been dating for 2+ years... they'd been dealing with his addiction for 15. they had every right to detach and i started to commend them for their courage & ability to "love from a distance."

the hours turned to days. the days turned to weeks. i continued with my meetings (AA & Al-Anon) and exercising my addictive little butt off and began to feel better. i spoke to quite a few people about this situation and Pup and I had more of our "talks." as frightened as i was that the proverbial "shit could hit the fan" at any moment, i seriously learned what it was like to just Let Go.

April-May:
we celebrated our 2 year anniversary together & i celebrated my 3 years of sobriety in the same month. i thanked the Lord for Pup's safe return from Hell, and also thanked Him for keeping my head above the water. i thanked Him for helping me through the past 3 years. i thanked Him for the family & friends that had been placed in my life so carefully & strategically (as though they were meant to be there at that particular moment). and i thanked Him for the ability to use the resources in which He had so cleverly laid out for me. i had grown and was growing still... i could see it in myself. surreal.

i started to get back to life and stopped worrying about not hearing from Pup every hour on the hour (exaggeration, perhaps a bit). he started working a program again. and not his program but the program. he was constantly seeing how blessed he was on a daily basis and i was reaping the benefits. i, too, was learning more and more about myself and realizing just how much i was loved. i love these programs!

what i've learned: even when bad things happen in our life, we can look to the Lord, our friends, our family for guidance. we can tell ourselves that we're "damned" or being "punished" or we could take it all in stride and realize that we are being strengthened. we are continuously flourishing into better people. one day at a time.

amazing.